1039 - In Ireland - Mayo and Galway

Ireland, day one - a day of big mistakes!
First off, I forgot to pack my glasses!
Not good when I’m driving a hired car. Yikes!
And then, at Liverpool Airport, there is
No BMI Baby check-in, because
My flight’s from Manchester, NOT Liverpool!
My taxi zoomed there (Cost: 50 knickers!)
A late take-off to Knock saved this damn fool!
At Knock Airport the car hire cost a full
Hundred euro more to insure ’gainst breaks
Or pay 300 euro for scratches
No time, or eyesight, to go driving all
Round Mayo. Knock-Tuam-Galway in three shakes
Galway’s always busy; it always is
Thur 9 July 2009

1001 - Am I dreaming?

Three days of clear blue skies. Is this Britain?
It seems that everything is upside down
And back to front these days. Politicians
Reviled, fraudulent. My face and arms brown
I live within walking distance of town
And go out now and then for a good time
At home the neighbours have all quietened down
And sleep, at last, when I need it, is mine
My mortgage interest’s low, meaning that I’m
Able to afford holidays again
Been to Paris in May, and I’ll have flown
To Ireland, come July; the autumn time
Should see a trip to European lands
It’s mainly good, because my life’s my own
Mon 1 June 2009

998 - Friday afternoon, late spring

I'm lazing on a sunny afternoon
It's a Friday, and I'm in the office
I'll be making my way home very soon
When there will be no more taking the piss
No, then the real work begins. Mustn't miss
The chance to write some poems, maybe plan
A trip to Ireland, maybe even kiss
Guitar or keyboard with my loving hands
There's a call from the life insurance man
Changing to him could pay me to the tune
Of £100 cashback - very nice!
If there are freebies about, I'm a fan!
Meanwhile, and suddenly, it's almost June
Only half a month now till the solstice
Fri 29 May 2009

980 - Monday night in Bolton

The cold, litter-swept streets of Bolton town
Are pierced not only by the freezing wind
But by the shouts of lads playing the clown
The shaven-headed and track-suited kind
The dignified town hall’s clockface aligned
More with the moon than these streets down below
Maintaining high standards, seemingly blind
To economic downturn, social woe
The stained pavements and walls of each long row
Of pubs and bars and clubs streaked grey and brown
We pass a passed-out woman, left behind
For ambulancemen to mop up as they go
Down old and bitter streets, back up and down
In pubs the hard laughter brings pain to mind
Mon 11 May 2009

977 - Europa interloper

I’m home, dear. Oh dear, I’m home. Dear, oh dear
I’ve got the travelling bug now. Will you come?
The only problem is it’s all so dear
Meals, hotels and whatnot all cost a sum
Tourism isn’t threatened by the slump
Or is it? Pockets shrink, hold fewer pounds
To the euro. To Europe’s a big jump
Will you go? Walking loses a few pounds
Supermarket snacks too; lose weight around
Your hotel restaurant bills and you’ll be there
Try camping, sleeping on trains, thump thump thump
But hotel rooms keep you awake with sound
Of costly bangs through thin walls… Disappear
With me, let’s go before the month is done!
Fri 8 May 2009

941 - Spring has sprung, but will summer be a bummer?

These lovely spring days, will they ever last
Deep into summer? They so rarely do
Maybe not always would it be for best
If all days were stunners with skies of blue
Perhaps some years we need more rain, that's true
And dull greyness to contrast with brightness
Too much sun, I fear, would simply mean you
And I would gain less, and grass would grow less
Rain brings fertility and wealth, keeps us
Hard at our duty, rarely thinking past
Our jobs for thirty hours, and weekends too
If there is booty to be made. Shameless,
Aren't we, slaves to our greed, never to rest
Until our graves are impressive to view
Thur 2 Apr 2009

939 - The credit munch

I love the credit munch - that's where you get
Two meals for the price of one all over
The restaurant chains. Today we enjoyed it
Downing the big soup at Wagamama
Plus two cups of tea: under a fiver
There's £10 Favourites at Pizza Express
Two courses and a glass of wine is their
Current offer, but go quickly in case
The offer's gone before you've stuffed your face
Gourmet Burger Kitchen: wrote about that
I've got vouchers for Zizzi and Strada
And also Cafe Rouge, although that place
Can be slow to serve. But try not to get
Food on your white shirt like I did earlier!
Tue 31 Mar 2009

934 - Salford Shopping City

It’s Salford Shopping City in the spring
The wind blows plastic bags round and around
The taxis race round roundabouts. Swearing,
A woman with Tourette’s withdraws her pounds
The bus-stop throbs as people are let down
A man skulks smoking outside Bargain Booze
The Pound Shops, William Hills, Woolworths (closed down)
The Flea Market empty but for refuse
At quarter to five, long Post Office queues
When my turn comes I find myself chatting
To a friendly blonde clerk eager to expound
The new Post Office credit card. Refuse -
How could I? But I did, remembering
How long it’s taken to get my debts down
Thur 26 Mar 2009

923 - Hug a banker

It’s time to hug a banker, everyone
It’s time to hug a banker, show him love
Cos every banker is some mother’s son
Show mercy like gentle rain from above
It’s easy for us to say not enough
Was done to stop the crash; we’re all too thick
To understand all that financial stuff
Best leave it to him, best not take the mick
It’s just not fair to give him so much stick
You’ve hugged a hoodie like Dave Cameron
There’s someone else for whom life just got tough
Banker’s Relief! Let’s donate one gold brick
Each, paid for by tax rises, to his fund
It’s time to hug a banker, show him love
Sun 15 March 2009

879 - There may be trouble ahead

They say the depression's gonna be bad
And Britain's depression the worst of all
This talk of depression could make us sad
Depressed, even, finances in freefall
The bankers caused it, then they had the gall
To ask us all to bail them out again
They lent too freely, now they lend fuck all
Will shares and property rise? If so, when?
My tracker mortgage, so cheap by year's end
Is costlier, my two year deal's been had
Not even worth transferring, I've checked all
Available deals again and again
Thank God I didn't buy that detached pad
In Wilmslow, just before the house price fall!
Fri 30 Jan 2009

865 - Real gods

The real gods of today are footballers
WAGS with unlimited shopping budgets
Worse for wear girls always in the papers
Staggering out of clubs showing their t*ts
Or blokes from some boy band which had two hits
With badly-sung 70s songs. Soap stars
Who turn on Christmas lights and do their bit
For charity. Young owners of sports cars
With blond hair flowing, waving into bars
As they drive past. Got to respect gangsters
Praying to them, please spare us from bullets
We make icons of those who start the wars
Albeit with black frames, for surely there's
A worshipping of evil in our hearts
Fri 16 Jan 2009

826 - Loss of focus

My mind has gone from where it's s'posed to be
Getting somewhere with writing or music
To wanting a partner to be with me
Even though this doesn't display logic
To afford her I need a lodger, quick
And how will someone else in the flat feel
If I bring a girl round? They might not stick
Around for long, which would be a poor deal
For my financial recovery; well
Things are shaping up quite interestingly
Ten years since I had a lodger. The kick
Of having a new girlfriend has appeal
I can't deny. But first, find her! Easy
I'm hoping that the Net will do that trick
Mon 8 Dec 2008

807 - Scots wha-hay

Tonight I’m writing BEFORE going out
I think that’s the more sensible way round
Last night Princes Street, tonight Grassmarket
Left out the hotel door, near castle mound
I will need to withdraw some Scottish pounds
Or I’ll be unable to buy my meal
I told the group where we would be around
Let’s hope they join us: it could be a squeal
However, last night took its toll on Neil
Too many ciders dispatched down the spout
But John, the hardened drinker, seems quite sound
Took some pics this morning from Calton Hill
A spot I first posed on, well, round about
’86. A cannon points at the town
Wed 19 Nov 2008

757 - Northern Rock, stocks and $200 barrels of oil

It's like 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels'
But more exciting - sorry, Guy Ritchie -
Watching as each hard-bitten broker falls
Each bank drowns in negative equity
A vaultful of dollars held uselessly
The cowboys of Wall Street all bite the dust
Another one, and another. Freddie,
You sang about it then, warned of it first
Poor Gordon! - now his credit bubble's burst
He's not only unpopular, but fails
To convince when he claims his pedigree
In financial prudence. Labour's stocks just
Keep dropping. Today, David Cameron sells
His share offer to voters. Buy Tory?
Tue 30 Sep 2008

744 - Credit to the crunch

Give credit to the crunch: it’s natural
It’s Darwinian, red in tooth and claw
Yet more proof that as some rise, some must fall
Yes, I know economics is a bore
But this is more than that, yes, so much more
Like gravity, a basic building block
Things can’t only get better; that’s no law
That Newton knew. The circle of the clock
Encompasses repetition. The shock
Of the new is mere ignorance; it’s all
Happened somewhere before, someplace before
We’ve all been down, then up around the block
A clean slate, then, and start again on Wall
And less glamorous streets like mine and yours
Wed 17 Sep 2008

737 - Life without a car

I’m contemplating life without a car
My little runaround is almost dead
The engine’s worn out, been driven so far
That it needs replacing. Ain’t got the bread.
In any case, it seems you can instead
Join one of these car clubs for small payment
And then just use their shared cars, getting rid
Of your regular car costs: heaven sent
For those looking to save. It’s what I meant
To do when I bought my flat that’s so near
To my office that I can walk there, tread
The streets of Manchester and Salford, bent
On a good time without taxi, tramcar
Or train. More money’s spent on getting fed!
Wed 10 Sep 2008

735 - Bursting bubbles

My ma’s grandfather Alfred Dean had been
A school mate of this lad Billy Lever
Down Bolton way. Then Billy had a scheme:
To sell soap at the market. Alf was the
First one he asked to help him. Alf said, er,
No ta mate. Billy built the company
That made Sunlight and Pear’s Soap. Millionaire
And, with his wife Lizzie Hulme, thoroughly
Into works of art and philanthropy
From profits gleaned from keeping people clean
They even built Port Sunlight village, their
Pub-free paradise near the factory
If only Alfie Dean could have foreseen
That forever bubble-blowing future!
Mon 8 Sep 2008

730 - Summer's end

Well I can now officially declare
That was the worst summer I’ve ever known
Very few sunny days, no chance to wear
Your summer gear, unless, of course, you’ve flown
Abroad this year. The rain’s fallen, wind’s blown
Last night I got drenched while out buying beer
Today is too cold to walk into town
Tomorrow it seems like I’ll have to wear
An autumn jacket. But, though skies aren’t clear
Stiff upper lip, folks, and never despair
Bad weather keeps us in, keeps us alone
Stops us from spending (except on a beer)
Credit crunch cutbacks; we’ve got to take care
To reduce debts and not take out more loans
Wed 3 Sep 2008

725 - Feed the world, part thirty-three

Where do we go from here? What’s the next move?
Is socialism dead, too expensive?
We all know life is cheap, and that’s the truth
Money falls through it rather like a sieve
No, we don’t want to pay for them to live
Let them all die if they can’t feed themselves
Let babies cry as flies crawl, spiders weave
On faces in poor places; help ourselves
To cheap food from their land upon our shelves
And if it costs too much, we shall remove
The party we elected, though we give
A penny here and there out of our wealth
We’re good Samaritans, and there’s the proof
But there’s only so much that we can give
Fri 29 Aug 2008

702 - Nectar of the gods

Hey everybody that shops in Sainsburys
Just get yourself an Amex Nectar card
Double Nectar points, it’s a real wheeze
Make sure you pay the balance off. Not hard
If you don’t spend more than you can afford
5000 Nectar points in 3 months - wow
That’s 50 quid, thanks to this credit card
I’ve paid the full balance online just now
2 months to go, and then they will allow
Me to spend 50 extra quid. No fees
As long as you pay on time. Don’t be tarred
With the brush of late payment. You must vow
To pay on time, online, and then you’ll seize
The profits in your mitts, reap the reward
Wed 6 Aug 2008