1034 - 23rd anniversary

Just realised: today’s the twenty-third
Anniversary of my first wedding
And to make this realisation weird
Today I went round hers; we sat talking
About our two kids, then spent time looking
At our diets, and how healthy they are
On the Tesco website, and exploring
What could be done on her i-Phone; wonder
Of modern gadgetry. To Kylyra
I re-sent backing tracks, minus the words
Which I’ll deliver when I’m there, gigging.
Briefly saw Josie, then home, where I saw
More Monty Python sketches; the absurd
Aspects of Britishness got a kicking
Sat 4 July 2009

979 - Crazy Sunday

A lovely day, though cloud-covered and wet
Caught up on sleep, radio playing low
Cleaned that big dusty carpet in my flat
Swept floors, then phoned my girl. Now, where to go?
She drove north on the ring road, till below
We saw the hills near Bury, and turned off
Ramsbottom was the destination; though
It rained, we shopped, we had some food, we laughed
She always finds antique shops, likes old stuff
Then J came back to my newly-cleaned flat
It was nice to be together once more
Off she went in her car: bye-bye, my love!
Then visited two friends, two pleasant chats
Now home again, work looms once more. Oh no!
Sun 10 May 2009

950 - London wanderings

An early morning embrace and coffee
A drive to Manchester multi-storey
A walk to the bus-stop, nice and early
As the sky lightened, too early for me
But today was a special holiday
The coach to London was very busy
The driver sped us down the motorway
And in no time we were walking away
From Victoria to Buck Palace… Today
No changing of the guard… well, that’s okay
Then on to Portobello Road: they say
It’s good for browsing, although I did pay
For gifts, clothes… Duke of Wellington for tea
Looked round Tate Modern, then a drink or three
Sat 11 Apr 2009

934 - Salford Shopping City

It’s Salford Shopping City in the spring
The wind blows plastic bags round and around
The taxis race round roundabouts. Swearing,
A woman with Tourette’s withdraws her pounds
The bus-stop throbs as people are let down
A man skulks smoking outside Bargain Booze
The Pound Shops, William Hills, Woolworths (closed down)
The Flea Market empty but for refuse
At quarter to five, long Post Office queues
When my turn comes I find myself chatting
To a friendly blonde clerk eager to expound
The new Post Office credit card. Refuse -
How could I? But I did, remembering
How long it’s taken to get my debts down
Thur 26 Mar 2009

920 - The night before

A busy day organising meetings
There’s always someone unavailable
The tales they spin always contain some stings
There’s one with bells on here that you can pull
But never mind work, tomorrow is all
My own, taking it off, cleaning my car
Buying shoes at the local Salford mall
And practising my songs on the guitar
Tomorrow night is a big one, by far
The biggest test of my poor voice which sings
So rarely at home, barely capable
Of rising above whispers. I can’t Marr
This chance to play the Smiths and other things
Please please please don’t let me be miserable
Thur 12 Mar 2009

915 - No cider with Josie

Slept well and got up about nine, breakfast
The usual orange juice and pills, cereal
And then a shave, a shower, fresh clothes; aghast
At the state of my hair, slapped on some gel
Looked at The Beeb’s Writers’ Room for intel
About what they go for with sitcom plots
And characters must seem real; show, not tell
And other rules…Obey, or lose your slots
Took Josie to Alderley to take shots
Of her on a tank, but it had got lost
No police car or fire engine either… Well,
We went to Gourmet Burger Kitchen, hot
On the High Street right now; then, shopping. Last
Was the park. Evening at home (musical)
Sat 7 Mar 2009

905 - Bolton swings

Left work early and bought a new T-shirt
Went home and practised tonight’s guitar piece
In the end wasn’t sure how well it worked
But it went okay, and people were nice
A good time had by all, cheap at the price
I had three plates of extra hot chilli
And watched the other acts, a nice surprise
To see Gordon Zola sing a ditty
Or two. Jeff played his keyboard for Andy
Anti-war themes, and politics, weren’t shirked
Some rude poems, but best of all, the place
Had some spectators in it, more healthy
Than performers only. My new T-shirt
Didn’t quite keep me warm; thought I would freeze!
Wed 25 Feb 2009

880 - Preparations for visiting my daughter on her birthday

My daughter’s sixth birthday, cold and windy
Spent hours listening to new CDs, and wrapped
Her presents, sipped some soup, which is handy
When you can’t chew like I can’t, so I supped
My soup, with pieces of soft white bread dipped
Watched Football Focus, the soccer preview
While the music played on, and then I popped
The presents in three big bags, quite a few
Things bought, locked door, carried it all down to
The car outside, boot loaded gratefully
Under a grey sky, while a fierce wind whipped
Popped in to Maplins for adaptor, two-
Holed, but new brown shoes must wait till Sunday
Can’t be late for my date, or I’ll get slapped
Sat 31 Jan 2009

865 - Real gods

The real gods of today are footballers
WAGS with unlimited shopping budgets
Worse for wear girls always in the papers
Staggering out of clubs showing their t*ts
Or blokes from some boy band which had two hits
With badly-sung 70s songs. Soap stars
Who turn on Christmas lights and do their bit
For charity. Young owners of sports cars
With blond hair flowing, waving into bars
As they drive past. Got to respect gangsters
Praying to them, please spare us from bullets
We make icons of those who start the wars
Albeit with black frames, for surely there's
A worshipping of evil in our hearts
Fri 16 Jan 2009

846 - Read all about it

Israel is bombing Gaza (Palestine)
Because of Hamas’ rocket attacks
The Church attacks Government (about time)
Says it’s financially, morally lax
Meanwhile, the Tories promise to cut tax
Even more money-focused than Labour
An angry abandoned boyfriend kidnaps
A nurse, ten days in the boot of a car
Meanwhile, my stomach, leg, arm muscles are
All nicely aching from yesterday’s fine
Exercises and running over tracks
And now I have to go to Sainsbury’s for
Some milk, some fruit juice (but no beer or wine)
And that is my list of today’s main facts
Sun 28 Dec 2008

824 - Saturday shopping spree

A lovely sunny winter’s day shopping
In Macclesfield and then in Manchester
First stop was Aldi, using their parking
Facilities and buying our drinks there
Next stop the charity shops, which was where
I hoped to find cheap clothes, but instead they
Were packed with eighties records; grabbed our share
Ate a snack or two, then drove all the way
To town and braved Primark on Saturday
Okay, maybe I did too much spending
But two coats, eight tops, three trousers later
I felt better equipped than yesterday
Not only that, but it was fun spending
Some time with a good friend, so thanks to her
Sat 6 Dec 2008

767 - A sobering thought

On the way home this Friday afternoon
I walked into the supermarket. I
Walked in there with only one intention:
To buy bottles of beer, as I’d stayed dry
All week, and got a lot done. Then, to my
Surprise, as I saw queues at every till
Workers like me all lining up to buy
Their Friday night booze, waiting for their fill
Their ticket to oblivion, cheap thrill
Eradication of failure too soon
You have to laugh, they say, or else you’d cry
To my surprise, I thought: Save on that bill!
And so I turned around with elation
Beating the impulse to curl up and die
Fri 10 Oct 2008

702 - Nectar of the gods

Hey everybody that shops in Sainsburys
Just get yourself an Amex Nectar card
Double Nectar points, it’s a real wheeze
Make sure you pay the balance off. Not hard
If you don’t spend more than you can afford
5000 Nectar points in 3 months - wow
That’s 50 quid, thanks to this credit card
I’ve paid the full balance online just now
2 months to go, and then they will allow
Me to spend 50 extra quid. No fees
As long as you pay on time. Don’t be tarred
With the brush of late payment. You must vow
To pay on time, online, and then you’ll seize
The profits in your mitts, reap the reward
Wed 6 Aug 2008

633 - I wonder will she?

I wonder will she like my new fragrance
My eau de toilette, oh let’s call it that
On the left hand, Paul Smith, the one I chanced
To buy; on the right, Joop, that I did not
Buy, but it’s strong, just how she likes it. What
A difference a spray makes, that’s what she’d say
If she was pretty witty, and quite hot
When it comes down to old ditties. As May
Becomes June, maybe soon there’ll be a ray
(Of sunshine, not of sting - oh, police!). Once
We kissed, but I’ve been missing her. My hat
Ain’t layin’ at her home. But yesterday
Even our sweat smelled sweet, and both our pants
Combined on floor, in bed, with cigarettes
Thur 29 May 2008

462 - Shop till I drop

Things that I often buy in Sainsbury’s
On my way home from work, round five or six;
Those bare necessities, small luxuries,
That keep me going, while checking out chicks.
To the right by the door, the cards with pix
To make you laugh at Christmas, on birthday;
Then clothes, then fruit and veg (celery sticks?)
And, further down, dairy (no milk today?)…
The tinned food, pasta and drinks aisles give way
To sugar, green tea and fair trade coffees;
Then things to spread, and cakes and bread. Two ticks
To frozen food and alcohol. I’ll stay
No longer, once I’ve grabbed enough of these.
Hope you enjoyed that, you shopaholics!
Mon 10 Dec 2007

447 - Winter ponderland

My neck's aching from turning round to see
The band play in the pub on Friday night
I'm still relieved we saw Lincoln City
Play Notts County on Saturday. The fright
I had when trapped in Chesterfield, that fight
To get through the cars, pouring into town
Like Christmas locusts that focused my sight
On the passing time, existential frown
In the style of Brel or Morrissey. Down
Goes yet another year. Agreed, Johnny
Logan, what does it matter? We turn white
Reflecting winter's cliched image found
On bargain boxes of cards Sainsbury's
Sells. Hear the Christmas bells. Unsilent night

Sun 25 Nov 2007

427 - Stopping Christmas shopping

The Christmas tree now stands in Sainsbury's
As you go in to shop. You're bound to stop
Astounded by the early nagging. Please
Don't play that Christmas pop yet while I shop
Gold star, your hold atop this silver prop
Of tinsel will intensify the till's
Tinkling, as your twinkling makes young eyes pop
And poppas ill with whopping shopping bills
This Scrooge-like killjoy cantankerously wills
The cancellation, please, of all of these
Festivities that chop down pines. They drop
And fester, wilting with wallet appeals
Listen to me, you glisten and you tease
But this has got to stop. Out of my shop!

Mon 5 Nov 2007

401 - Super flesh market

The best place to see glamorous sexy girls
At the cheapest prices? Well why not try
The supermarket at tea-time? What thrills
Down each aisle! You can play secret I spy
Weighing up their goods with a precise eye
While smartly dressed young ladies are bending
Examining the eggs as you edge by
Carelessly carrying carrots, spending
Freely, caressing cress, just pretending
To like fruit and veg. Hang out by the pills
Or the cheesy balls, where the big girls lie -
Their special offers are never-ending!
Swap e-numbers, and when you pay your bills
At the checkout, check her out. Buy buy buy!
Wed 10 Oct 2007

331 - A day in the life goes something like this:

A day in the life goes something like this:
I’m woken up by some noisy bastard
From all too little sleep, go for a piss
(Dark yellow if the drinking has been hard),
Then walk to work, leaving no carbon card,
To sit all day facing computer screen.
I chat and email, perceived a dullard
By those dullards and bastards who have been
Promoted and paid more: fortune’s been mean.
After my two teas and four sandwiches,
And long afternoons, my hard-earned reward
For staying awake’s to buy margarine
And beans and milk and stuff at Sainsbury’s,
Then back to flat, brew up, and become bard.
Wed 1 Aug 2007

185 - My flat is up for sale after one year

My flat is up for sale after one year
Of living beneath Salford’s sunny skies.
Only a short walk would take you from here
To Salford Quays and its activities;
Almost anything that you could devise:
Rowing, shopping or seeing theatre,
Shopping at Marks and Spencer, Sainsbury’s;
Or, the other way along the river
To that still-growing city, Manchester:
Its new and strange-shaped curiosities
Such as that new Civil Justice Centre.
I’ve seen this huge filing cabinet rise
On Irwell’s banks. It sure looks big and queer,
But it’s dwarfed by the Beetham Tower’s glassy highs.
Thur 8 Mar 2007