1055 - Sun in summertime

Rare sunny summer’s day. With Josephine
I’m pleased to say we made the most of it
The Aquatic Centre (la grande piscine)
And ‘Mega Mela’ in Platt Fields, the great
Asian fair in the park. Managed to kit
Josie out in a pink Asian costume
Making the local women smile a bit
As we walked by, both eating our ice cream
One mother even took her picture; seems
There’s nothing as nice as digging their scene
For making people of all kinds unite
It’s so easy: so little in between
The different groups. Saw the Asian rap scene
And had some great fairground rides. We loved it!
Sat 25 July 2009

1033 - Emerging briefly, then retreating

The rain and heat fell down alternately
But, thank God, in the evening there was sun
For the school barbecue. Josie and me
Walked over to it, and we had great fun
Josie’s face painted, then met the parents
A beer, a catch-up, balloon, pony toy
Games with Kirsty, and going for a run
Staying there till the moon was bright with joy
Back home now, it’s just me, a lonely boy
But in a funny way, that quite suits me
It’s quite nice to chill out, to be just one
No-one annoys me, no-one to annoy
The weekend’s here again: now, how shall we
Spend precious ‘us’ time, now that it’s begun?
Fri 3 July 2009

1013 - Long day's journey into Salford

Sitting here in the Manchester Museum
While Josie colours in all her pictures
For two weeks now, we’ve come here for a swim
But the big pool was closed down for repairs
Wasting no time, we flew straight out of there
And came here for a curious look round
We saw glass cases full of stuffed creatures
Bats, foxes, rabbits, birds that made no sound…
Then later, walking to United’s ground
Along the Ship Canal side; evening sun
Shone on us and the Lowry while we paused
For refreshment; then past the Quays we wound
Our way back to my flat. The total sum
Of this was we had our best time for years!
Sat 13 June 2009

1012 - The weekend starts here (in the office)

The weekend starts here, summery and light
It's the best time of year, makes us cheerful
There's hardly even such a thing as night
Makes the wine glass seem less empty, more full
Like the belly of the guy sitting all
Of five feet away, talking on the phone
My manager's started on the long haul
To Southport by train, eager to get home
And his manager, she wants to get goin'
We're all sick of our wage slavery plight
They want to be sat in their gardens, all
But me, who has no garden of his own
However, I'll make sure my evening's bright
I'll record some new songs, and learn them well
Fri 12 June 2009

1004 - Find the deep meaning and tell me what it is

The moon in June stays moonly on the spoon
If often coughing, stop and quaff coffee
The English loon, at noon, stays in the sun
Kirsty gets thirsty: her worst day’s Thursday
Rusty’s wife’s busty, he must feel lusty
Computer tutors? Completely useless!
See Stevie G score three: ITV3
Messy-dressed Miss! Confess that you missed Mass!
These mushy peas and mash mustn’t miss my mush
Ron ran on through rain, pain, strain and ruin
Forty naughty Geordies fought but caught fleas
Last night a lass in glasses made a pass
Billy Bailey’s belly’s like a balloon
Silly Hayley said, ‘Well, he’s a loony!’
Thur 4 June 2009

991 - Hug a politician!

Stop! All of you stop! Now! It’s gone too far!
Poor politicians, they’re all feeling down
Because of this expenses blah blah blah
One MP, not some comedian or clown
Has warned of suicides! We must calm down
Leave them alone, or give them all a hug
Say diddums, pat their heads, wave them back down
To their second homes with their fancy rugs
And new mattresses… They can’t have bed bugs
Like us, can they? No! Down in Westminster
They deserve bedspreads of best eiderdown
To rest their heads from hours of claiming. Mugs
We are for stressing them out. Yes, we are!
They have more delicate brains than our own!
Fri 22 May 2009

964 - Munch of the day

Awoke with my brown-skinned girl by my side
Breakfast, and then with great skill she helped me
Sort out phone pictures, and then with some pride
Showed me her own pix of her family
And travels over the last year or three
Got cloudy, so I chose to go swimming
With Josie (too cold to go to the sea)
Roads packed with United fans, all driving
To the game against Spurs (seems they’re winning
The title once again, Ferguson’s side…!)
A fun time in Stockport pool with Josie
Followed by a late afternoon’s eating
And joking around. Back home, guitar played
Quick call to my girl, football on TV…
Sat 25 Apr 2009

949 - Good Good Friday

It’s been a good Good Friday, yes it has
Stayed over at your place and it was fine
Seriously sleep-deprived I am, because
Of work and play, conversation and wine
It’s been a good Good Friday, despite rain
We even walked in it and didn’t care
We kept on getting wet but didn’t mind
Even inside, there’s plenty to explore
You said that it was important to share
You shared with me your electric fingers
When they weren’t on me, they were on my mind
It’s been a good Good Friday, but compare
It to what’s to come, and we’d better pause
Briefly for rest from loving overtime
Fri 10 Apr 2009

932 - Computing, not commuting

The joys of living close to work are these:
Taking an hour to wake up, radio
So slowly drifting into consciousness
When outside showers drip, no need to go
Just yet, get wet in my own shower, slow
And warm, spring fragrance from a factory
Brings soaked-in sunshine from head to my toe
Shaving appliance blunt, there’s no worry
Have time to replace blade, and watch TV
Stroll into work, stroll home, still early, keys
And shopping in my hand, it’s grand to know
So much time left, still so much energy
To write and play, still light outside; now seize
The remains of the day. Makes sense, you know!
Tue 24 Mar 2009

878 - Poetry can be fun

It’s late, and I’ve had one or ten whiskies
Been to a poetry night, read some stuff
By God, it was a bit cold, felt I’d freeze
But now I’m back home, feel a bit more tough
Read two poems I wrote on the chuff chuff
That took me home from Glasgow yesterday
Not too bad, since both were quite off the cuff
One about Burns Night, one at close of day
As train sped through hills heading England way
The whiskies made me laugh, it was a wheeze
As guys read poems, stifled the odd laugh
I’ve not had much to laugh about, so hey
Why not? It’s cheaper than stand-up, and these
Nights can be fun with wordsmiths spouting guff
Thur 29 Jan 2009

868 - Now we are a lot more than six

My son’s birthday comes one day after mine
He’s nineteen, I’m forty-six (bloody hell!)
Well WTF, we all head down this line
Arriving to a fading, tolling bell
And if you think you’re different, then you smell!!
See I can still be childish too, you know
The child lives on though my children grow tall
We mature ’cos we have to; life is so
Upsetting; all depends on a dice throw
And two-faced people sneer at being kind
I’ll listen to the whispers from a shell
The setting sun’s a fried egg to swallow
I’ll sit you on a prickly porcupine
Judge everyone on how well they can spell…
Mon 19 Jan 2009

841 - Panto ranto

Up with the lark, in the dark, barking mad
When so little sleep had. Had to be done
Motored to daughter for quarter to. Dad
Does his stuff. Tough sometimes, but also fun
To Salford Quays, panto season, he’s on:
The Wizard of Oz, because, because of
The things he does. Does he, or was it one
Big trick, sick like the wicked witch? Like love?
The witch is dead, head hit by house above
Lorna Luft aloft on tufted stick, bad
To the bone. Tone and Jo moaned and booed when
She threatened Dorothy. We later drove
Down the grey asphalt road, mode of thought glad
Giving and nibbling with siblings to come
Tue 23 Dec 2008

822 - Is it just me, or is everything shit....No, it's just me

Just five hours’ sleep, a miserable cold
Wet day, and to cap it all, my speakers
Won’t work. That’s it. The universe could fold -
I couldn’t be more depressed. Universe
Schmuniverse. Schwarzeknickers. Nosepickers
All’s static, but appears fluid. Fluid
Appears, then disappoints. Friendly fuckers
Fire at will. Kill King Bill. Little girl hid
Under mattress like worthless savings. Did
You buy shares? Ho ho. Merry Christmas! Told
You. Spend spend spend before the end. Dear sirs -
Fuck off, the lot of you. Careful, you’ll skid
Under that bus. Pussy eye. I must hold
On. Maybe tomorrow will come. Per verse
Thur 4 Dec 2008

817 - Quick cathartic sonnet before Never Mind The Buzzcocks

I know we all feel sorry for ourselves
But life’s too short, so sod it, let’s just smile
Besides, some people are as small as elves
And others’ arses are covered with piles
And other people still, they live in Wales
Their houses flooded, and there be dragons
My main problem is I mess with my nails
I’ll never ever be cool as The Fonz
Never mind, who gives a toss, play some songs
Drink a beer or two and enjoy yourselves
I’m not sure about wine, I think it’s vile
It makes your face go red, and then the huns
Will never fancy you! Even Elvis
Stayed at heartbreak hotel. I’ve stayed a while
Sat 29 Nov 2008

788 - Halloween fireworks

It’s scary, Mary. It’s H-Halloween!
W-What the devil’s going on round here?
There’s fireworks p-p-popping, have you seen?
And after Guy’s been burnt, the close of year
Is h-h-hurrying with glittery cheer
To wipe away our fear of dark and cold
To buy some nice things, drink an extra beer
And best of all, find someone there to hold
Someone to keep warm, there on your shoulder
Holding them tight as flames flicker, s-scream
Of rockets in a flowery stratosphere
I hope all the w-witches’ hats weren’t sold
And at the party, those g-ghosts aren’t mean
Have a ‘wicked’ time, ’til I next see ya…
Fri 31 Oct 2008

780 - The record breakers

Tonight will see an audacious attempt
To break the Guinness World Record for 'most
Professional comedians in one show,' meant
To raise money for charity. The hosts
Will introduce each one of us, each loosed
On the poor audience for just three minutes
Some friends are doing it too. We can't boast
Of professional status, though, so it's
A bit of a misnomer. Hope mine fits
Into that slot, and they don't show contempt
For my attempt to be funny. I used
To do stand-up, but fell down. But my wit's
Still sharp as a peeled banana, intent
On using it to stab the Holy Ghost
Thur 23 Oct 2008

774 - Splitting our sides, literally

You've gotta laugh. It comes from pain and hurt
And puzzlement and mystification
Things that don't seem right; the need to alert
Others to some suppressed recognition
That soon our residential location
Will be warm, circular, visited by
Dante, Virgil (not supermarionation)
And shared with ne'er-do-wells, all in mid-fry
Their arses stuck out of the mud, their cry
A universal one, the film X-cert
But sold-out, 'cause suffering is elation,
Even erection, both for you and I
So bring it on, and wallow in the dirt
It's a divine comedy sensation
Fri 17 Oct 2008

734 - Downing Street pillow talk

Oh Alistair, Darling, said Mrs D
You really must buy more hair dye, you know
I know you’re partial to economy
But why does most of your head look like snow
While your eyebrows are black as they can go
It’s not a good look, Darling; can they trust
A man with hair that doesn’t match on show?
Oh Gord, said Mrs B, this is the worst
Case scenario. Labour’s bubble’s burst
And you’re like a fish out of water. See
How you gulp for air as the rivers flow
Over Tony’s banks? When you speak you must
Not gulp or gasp. Though you’re charisma-free
I love the way your glass eye twinkles so
Sun 7 Sep 2008

672 - Goldfishfinger

Two goldfish swimming round and round their bowl
Do they long for the lakes, rivers and seas?
Do they get on, or are they perhaps poles
Apart, two different personalities?
Would they like their own bowl one day, if fees
Are not too high, not too much interest due?
Or do they go with the flow, although these
Bowls don’t have flows, tides or that much to do?
Some people put pirate ships in there. Crew
On deck! Swim to attention! One just rolls
Upside down all day long; the fat one. He’s
Fed up, maybe, with his lot, trying to
End it all. The small one’s a happy soul.
Two goldfish, living out their lives of ease.
Mon 7 July 2008

666 - The sonnet of the beast

The name of this beastly verse? 666!
That’s ‘six six six,’ you daft devil, not six
Hundred and sixty-six. Oh, take your pick;
Same thing, ain’t it? Saints hate it. John depicts
The beast at the time of apocalypse
Behaving badly, more than men. He flits
And flops about, putting us in a fix
Causing us to forget the crucifix
Which has some bad effects that almost nix
Our slim resurrectionary prospects
But never fear, fear God, read his edicts
In Biblical tracts, obey Benedict’s
Dictates and those of prelates; I predict
That by eternal flames you’ll not be licked
Tue 1 July 2008